People are always confused when I tell them that I hate feeling like a failure, but I enjoy failing. They always assume that I’m talking about the same thing, but I’m not. Allow me to explain.
My childhood dream was to become an author, but I didn’t believe I could do it. Thoughts like ‘things like that don’t happen to me,’ always bounced about in my head.
It took me decades to realise that I was right: Things like that didn’t happen to me. I had to be the one to make things like that happen.
When I finally decided to pursue my dream, I was left with a dilemma. How do I do it? What’s the next step? I didn’t know anyone in the publishing business, or even other authors to guide me. I was working blind, grasping at every little piece of information I could find.
By then I had listened to enough motivational audiobooks to know that I had to take the first step even though I couldn’t see the full staircase. I started asking questions, doing research, making plenty of mistakes, and failing repeatedly.
Sugar Ray Leonard’s quote kept me motivated: ‘If you don’t know failure, you will never know success.’
And so, I persisted.
Eventually, I published ‘Ellie and the Cupcakes’. This was a greater feat than you can imagine, because only a year before, I was battling overwhelming feelings of failure. I was on sleeping tablets, anti-anxiety tablets, and antidepressants, as I tried to cope with everything. Thankfully, I no longer need those meds to help me cope, and I am now in a better place, mentally.
Failing vs. Feeling Like a Failure. What’s the Difference?
When you’re following your dreams, you will fail. Failing is ok and is part of the process. Learn from your mistakes, make adjustments, and start again. I failed repeatedly throughout my author journey, and I will carry on failing. I’m fine with that.
Feeling like a failure is different. It’s a pervasive thought linked to your perceived self-worth. It strangles your confidence and motivation, and often stems from assuming that others are doing a better job than we are.
President Roosevelt said ‘Comparison is the thief of joy.’
Nowadays, it’s so easy to fall into the trap of thinking others are doing well while we’re drowning. Thank you, social media. The truth is, we’re all killing it in some aspects of life and failing at others. The sooner we realise this, the happier we’ll all be. It’s not too late to achieve your dreams. I was 39 when I published my first book, and I published three more since then.
Persistence, overcoming feelings of failure. and accepting oneself, were the main reasons why I wrote ‘Sam the Sneezing Scarecrow’. Nothing makes me sadder than a child with self-limiting beliefs, because it’s almost certain that those beliefs came from someone who clipped their wings before they could fly.
Although I created this blog to help empower mums (and other adults) to follow their dreams, my main objective is to empower children to follow theirs. This is why, if you remember, I teamed up with Parenting Coach Sabrina Persiano, whose posts will help you support your children to spread their wings. She’s the guest author next week and I’m so looking forward to reading her article. I’m sure you are too, so tune in next Saturday for her words of wisdom.
In the meantime, have a fantastic weekend. I’m taking my kids to a local butterfly event later on. What are your plans?
