What was happening to my plants? Why were they moving?
Something was in the soil underneath. Visions of Kevin Bacon’s 1990 film ‘Tremors’ flashed before my eyes, so I leaped on the wall to avoid being devoured by a gigantic worm-like creature. Time slowed down and sweat beads formed on my forehead, as I squinted my eyes to try and figure out what ungodly creature was underground.
The digging continued until a tiny head popped out of the ground, sniffed around, and went back down.
Not a hellish creature. I wasn’t going to be eaten. It was a tiny mole, and I had made a mountain out of a molehill (pun intended).
A Lightbulb Moment
How many moles are in this garden? I thought to myself. And whereabouts are they? This one was easy to spot when the flowers were moving, but now it had disappeared. How deep did the tunnels go? If only I could go down theremyself to explore. But, in order to do that, I’d need to be tiny…
Bam! That was it. That was my storyline!
I hurried inside and quickly typed up the story featuring a mole. What should I name him? ‘Cole the Mole’ was my first choice, but my husband pulled a face when I told him. Truth be told, he wasn’t particularly keen on ‘Mel the Mole’ either, but by then, I was too excited to listen to him.
I merged the original story I had written back in the cave in Malta with the new story featuring Mel, and I was pleased with the result. I sent it to Stephanie, my editor in Florida, and several exhausting edits later, I sent it all the way to Jordan, to my illustrator, Noor. I checked with a local wildlife expert that the animal illustrations were correct and then sent the files to my Malta-based book designer, Krysta.
The End Result
After all that hard work to bring ‘Oh, Ellie!’ to life, I decided to release it on the anniversary of ‘Ellie and the Cupcakes’. Both books can be purchased by clicking on the links, or you can browse all the products on offer by visiting our shop.
I read the text several times over, but there was no escaping what was in it.
The relationship was over, along with my plans to spend summer with him in Alaska, away from the searing Maltese heat.
My dad saw the look on my face and figured out what happened. The next words out of his mouth would change my life:
‘Remember: Every disappointment is an opportunity.’
I shrugged him off, making out like I wasn’t bothered, ran upstairs to my room, and flopped on the bed. But, as I stared at the ceiling, those words echoed in my head. An hour later, I had a summer job lined up.
Starting in two days.
In England.
That’s how I ended up living in a caravan in the Lake District, at the bottom of Mount Helvellyn, with no internet, no phone reception, surrounded by sheep and llamas. I had to take a bus to the nearest town, Keswick, in order to buy a phone card, just so I could let my parents know that I had arrived there safely. I left out the part where I had to sleep in a broom cupboard that night, but that’s a story for another day.
The plan was to stay there for the summer, then move up to Glasgow, Scotland, to do my Masters in Criminal Psychology, before returning to Malta. It was supposed to be a brief adventure, but I ended up living in the UK for 12 years. Unbeknownst to me, during that time, I had become accustomed to lush greenery, wide-open spaces, and forests.
Mount Helvellyn, Lake District, where I lived for 4 months in 2005.
Malta 2017-2020.
We moved to Malta in January 2017 after a particularly grey year in England. For the first 6 months of 2017, I walked everywhere with my head thrown back, as I marvelled at the blue, cloudless sky. But, after the honeymoon period was over, and work became more intense, I found myself longing for greenery. I needed woods to get lost in. Blue skies are wonderful to look at, but when they’re accompanied by blistering sun and heavy humidity, your workday tends to become a grind.
On a particularly hot day, I decided to shelter inside a cave. I found myself getting nostalgic for England. I wanted to walk in the woods and imagine elves and fairies living inside the tree trunks, having little cups of tea and reading tiny newspapers. A few feet away from me was a caper berry plant. As I stared at it, I visualised myself shrinking until I was about 1 inch in height. All of a sudden, that caper berry bush became a forest! I climbed up on the leaves and got lost in the foliage.
That’s it! I thought to myself. I’ll write a story about a girl who shrinks and gets to meet tiny woodland creatures.
In the heat and humidity, it didn’t occur to me that that story could be the sequel to ‘Ellie and the Cupcakes’. And, once again, just like with the story of ‘Sam the Sneezing Scarecrow’, I soon forgot about what I wrote.
One hot sunny day, I took shelter in a cave...
England, 2021.
I checked my manuscript one last time before sending it over to the editor. A lot of kids had been in touch to ask me to create a sequel for ‘Ellie and the Cupcakes’, so I decided to turn it into a series. However, as I read through the manuscript, something was niggling me. Although the story was fun, it wasn’t an Ellie story. Sure, it had cupcakes and a wishing well, but something was not quite right.
I thought of all the children who had asked me to create a story where Ellie becomes small, as opposed to being a giant in the first book. I was worried about being too predictable, so I wrote different storylines instead. But, at the 11th hour, I was having reservations. Maybe I should be predictable after all? A quick phone call to my friend, Sabrina, confirmed what I’d suspected, and I scrambled to write a story about a tiny Ellie by the end of the day.
As I typed away, I got a sense of deja vu. I’ve written a similar story before, I thought to myself.
Sure enough, a quick search yielded the story I had written in Malta, back in that cave. All I had to do was re-write it. As I racked my brains to figure out how to turn it into a proper Ellie story, I looked outside the window.
Something was happening in the garden. The plants were wobbling about in an unnatural way.
Tara Drouin is a teacher, musician, and children’s book author. She grew up in Merrick, New York and now lives in Bethpage, NY with her husband and daughter. Her band Iridesense has been performing and recording music for over 25 years. Their songs can be heard on shows like Zoey 101 and Drake and Josh. Tara’s first book, ‘One Heart’, is based on a song by the same name. Her experience working as a teacher inspired her to write the book/song, which talks about everyone having one heart inside, despite our external differences. Tara’s second book, ‘Red Rock Road’ is based on a song that she wrote with her kids band The Gum Drops. It’s about her parents’ home in the Catskill Mountains of NY and all the fun things they do together like swimming, singing, gazing at the stars, and being in nature. She is releasing her 3rd book, ‘Starlight’ in the autumn of 2021.
Amanda: Hi Tara! I’ve just been listening to your song, ‘One Heart’, and I loved it. I’m really excited to talk to you today. Let’s start with a simple question: How would you describe yourself?
Tara: I’m pleased you liked the song! I am a creative, outgoing, and determined person. I love music, the arts, and teaching. My daughter is my inspiration to continue to follow my dreams while inspiring her to do the same.
Amanda: When did you first get the idea to start writing children’s books, and how long did it take you to publish the first one?
Tara: When I wrote the song ‘One Heart’, I knew that the message was really special. I could see images in my mind that would go along with the book. I collaborated with an art teacher named Nancy Noskewicz who helped to bring the lyrics to life. It took me about two years since I released the song in 2016, and then the book in 2018. I also had the help of my friend and photographer, Mike Rathsam, who formatted the book to get it ready for print.
Amanda: It must have been quite a journey. What else do you do besides creating wonderful music and books?
Tara: I play music in two bands, ‘Iridesense’ and ‘The Gum Drops’. I’m also an elementary school teacher. I have taught grades K-6, all subject areas, music, drama, and songwriting. I love sharing my music with the students, and it is the highlight of my day when I hear them singing my songs.
Amanda: Wow, two bands, writing books, and teaching kids must be hectic! What challenges do you normally come across?
Tara: It is hard to juggle everything, but being a mum comes first. I try to manage many creative projects in my life, so time management is key! I released a new book in December of 2020 called ‘Red Rock Road’ that I am trying to promote. Marketing is so important, but not my favorite part of being an author. I also released a new song called ‘Starlight’ on July 6, which will be a book in the autumn. It’s hard to find the time to do everything but I always find a way!
Amanda: How does being a mum impact your goals?
Tara: I have one daughter named Kaya, who is a beautiful, talented, and smart 10-year-old. My goals as an author, a musician, a teacher are always in line with what’s best for my family. I don’t want to take on too much, as I want to have time to spend with them. I also try to include Kaya in my creative projects, and she sings and dances on stage with my kids’ band ‘The Gum Drops’. We even wrote a song together during the Pandemic while we were at home called ‘I Believe This Will Be Over Soon’. ‘One Heart’ was written when she was young so I wrote it as a message to her and other children. We may not all look the same, but inside everybody’s got one heart!
Amanda: That is such an important message, and the song is really upbeat and catchy. I loved it! How do you manage your time?
Tara: I try to carve out time each day to meditate or just be outside. I love sitting in my yard listening to the birds, or the wind. Going to the beach is another one of my favorite places to be. I think it’s important to stay present and just be, because there are so many stressors these days, and things that keep us distracted. I like to set goals for myself each week, such as sending emails to new people for possible opportunities. I also post to my different accounts to stay connected and keep people up to date on what’s going on in my life.
Amanda: A woman after my own heart! I enjoy everything you just mentioned as well, in fact, being outdoors is where I get my own inspiration from. Can you describe a typical day in your life?
Tara: I wake up in the morning, and always have a cup of coffee. I listen to music on my way to work. My day during the school year is a lot different than my day during the summer. During the school year, I enjoy teaching my students something new each day. I like to watch TV at night with my husband and daughter. Being a teacher gives me a lot of free time in the summer which is nice. I spend time checking emails in the morning, and then head out for the day. Maybe go to the beach or the pool with my daughter.
Amanda: Sounds like a great way to spend the day! What steps do you take to raise your profile both online and in real life?
Tara: Since I am a musician and a children’s book author I have separate accounts for both. I share any upcoming releases or gigs we have coming up. I am hoping this summer we can get back to playing as we have been on hiatus a bit since the pandemic. I have an author website http://www.taradrouinauthor.com, and a website for my band Iridesensehttp://www.iridesense.com. I post any upcoming shows, interviews, new music, etc..
Amanda: What has helped you achieve your goals?
Tara: Networking has helped along the way. My family are my biggest supporters. My brother is in PR so he has helped to get me different press releases about my books, ‘One Heart’, and ‘Red Rock Road’. There were a bunch of great articles and interviews for ‘One Heart’ last summer. My mum helped to get ‘Red Rock Road’ in a local and online newspaper in upstate NY since that is where she lives, and where the story takes place. I also did a school visit for ‘One Heart’ in Oneonta, NY. The whole school was singing the song with me which was so awesome!
Amanda: Oh, how lovely! It’s so nice to have (and acknowledge) your family’s support. What are you working on at the moment?
Tara: I just released a lullaby called ‘Starlight’ on July 6th. It’s about how kids shouldn’t be afraid to go to sleep at night because dreams can be a magical place, where fairies bring you dreams, and you can imagine being a superhero or a king or queen. I just hired an illustrator for it, and I can’t wait to see what she creates! It should be released on Amazon sometime in the autumn.
Amanda: What’s the best thing that has come out of following your dreams?
Tara: Without a doubt, it’s the joy that it brings me, the satisfaction of following through on a creative idea that I came up with, seeing the smile on my students’ faces when I share my book/song, or hearing a parent or teacher say I inspired their child to write a song or story. There are so many reasons why it’s important to follow your dreams. I have a song I wrote with my band ‘Iridesense’ called ‘Don’t Say’. Some of the lyrics are
‘having the choice to go after your dreams,
Learning to see the truth through smokescreens,
Trusting your gut is the only way to survive.’
You have to be true to yourself and follow your passion to be truly happy.
Amanda: Who has been instrumental in helping you achieve your goals?
Tara: My husband always has my back, and supports my goals in my career. He is the drummer of Iridesense too so we are used to following our dreams together. My brother is also in the band, along with my friend Rob, and we have been creating music together for over 25 years. My parents, of course, since my mum has been singing with us since we were kids.
Amanda: Wow, that is an amazing family collaboration! Beyond your family, Is there anyone you admire?
Tara: I’ve always admired Oprah because she is such a powerful and strong woman. Her positive influence on society is incredible. She set goals for herself and achieved them.
Amanda: What’s the best advice you can give to anyone who has a dream?
Tara: Believe in yourself, and go after your dreams. Happiness comes when you live your life with intention. I love the poem by Langston Hughes, “hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.”
Amanda: What a perfect quote to end this fascinating interview. Tara, thank you so much for your time. You can find ‘Red Rock Road’ on Amazon. It’s a delightful book that brings back wonderful childhood memories.
Children’s author and book marketing coach, Laurie Wright is a silly but smart, busy mum of three who laughs at her own jokes just a bit too much. The minivan is her sanctuary, and the only place she can sing out loud without being shushed. She’s known for her short-term memory and extreme love of chips and dip. Usually on her best behavior, watch out when her filter wears off! Never without her laptop and a notebook. Trust her with your kids and your books, but not your coffee!
Amanda: Hello, Laurie! Thank you for joining us today.
Laurie: Thank you for having me!
Amanda: Laurie, I read most of your ‘Mindful Mantra’ series. They’re an excellent source of positive affirmations for kids. What made you decide to write children’s books?
Laurie: I taught kindergarten for ten years, and I consider 4 & 5-year-olds my people! I wrote the book in ‘kid language’ so they’d really ‘get’ it. And kids don’t jump to the best way to solve a problem off the bat. (Really, adults don’t always either!).
Amanda: That’s so true. How long did it take you to get published?
Laurie: It took about t ten years.
Amanda: Oh, wow, I never realised how long your journey was. No wonder you’re so full of words of wisdom for other authors! What challenges did you face during this time?
Laurie: When I first started, being a mum was my full-time job, and I had 3 kids under 8. So time was a real challenge. I worked whenever I had a spare minute during the day, but also felt guilty about it. Once my books were published and started selling well I was able to put my youngest in a day home a couple of days a week. My workdays grew from there. Two years ago my husband was able to semi-retire, so now I work full time from home. My current challenge is to focus when I sit down to work! I have really bad squirrel syndrome.
Amanda: Yeah, I’m familiar with squirrel syndrome myself! It’s awesome that you managed to semi-retire your husband so he can look after the children while you work. Speaking of which, how does being a mum impact your goal-setting and achievement?
Laurie: I love that I’m setting a great example for all my kids but especially my daughter. They’ve watched me struggle and grow every step of the way, and I hope that they are learning that they can do anything they put their minds to!
Amanda: That’s fantastic. I know you’re good at marketing, so, what steps do you take to raise your profile both online and in real life?
Laurie: I try to engage with people as much as possible. I do host a podcast and so a lot of people find me that way. In real life, I’m quite shy, so I mostly keep my head down!
Amanda: Haha, no way! You seem so confident and self-assured!
Laurie: Yes, that’s what everyone tells me.
Amanda: What has helped you become so successful?
Laurie:Networking has helped a ton, learning from others who are smarter than me too. I try to find things out for myself before asking for help, which I think helps the learning process. I’ve taken a ton of courses and had multiple coaches which is a phenomenal way to grow.
Amanda: It’s so weird, because I see you as such a fountain of knowledge. It’s hard to imagine that there was a time when you didn’t know all this stuff. What are you working on at the moment?
Laurie: I’m actually doing email marketing for a few companies at the moment! So I jokingly tell people I can only ‘copy’ write now, I can’t ‘creative’ write. I love everything marketing, but emails especially.
Amanda: Ah, but writing emails that make people want to read them is actually ‘creative’ writing in itself, isn’t it? In fact, you’re probably the only author I know who enjoys writing emails!
Laurie: That’s true, not many people like this part of the marketing process.
Amanda: What’s the best thing that has come out of following your dreams?
Laurie: Meeting amazing people (like you!) that I never would have otherwise. People are fascinating, and so fun to get to know. (Most of them). And, financial freedom. I won’t lie, it makes life a lot less worrisome when you aren’t trading hours for dollars.
Amanda: Absolutely. Who has been instrumental in helping you achieve your goals?
Laurie: My coaches along the way! I’ve learned something different from each one, and often what makes the biggest impact isn’t the actual material, but a shift in how I think. That’s where the largest gains come from.
Amanda: So, apart from your coaches, is there anyone else you admire?
Laurie:I admire the mums I’ve met who had an idea for a book, and who are making it happen. It’s a struggle, and it takes a lot of gumption. Not everyone can handle it! But those who pursue their dreams in this area are so inspiring.
Amanda: What’s the best advice you can give to anyone who has a dream?
Laurie: Just to GO FOR IT. There’s literally nothing we can’t do in the world these days. Consistently show up, even if it’s 20 minutes a day. Keep at it, and you’ll get there.
Amanda: Thank you so much for your time, Laurie. The Mindful Mantra series is available on Amazon. My personal favourites are ‘I Can Handle It’, ‘I Can Do It’ and ‘I Believe In Myself’. I highly recommend you check them out.
If you want to get in touch with Laurie personally, you can find her on her website: https://LaurieWrightAuthor.com, and @LaurieWrightAuthor on IG & FB.
I looked at my toddler as she sneezed for the 10th consecutive time.
‘Oh, you poor thing!’ I said as I tried to comfort her.
The sneezing continued as she rubbed her red, watery eyes.
‘If only you could talk, Hannah,’ I said. ‘You’d be able to tell me what it is that’s bothering you.’
She sneezed again and I glanced at our aviary. Could the birds be causing it? I moved our picnic blanket towards the other end of the garden, and after a while, she started getting better.
‘It looks like you might be allergic to birds.’ I said. ‘We’ll have to stay away from them. It’s a good job you’re not a scarecrow, or you’d be sneezing all day long!’ I laughed.
That was it. My lightbulb moment.
I put her on the picnic blanket, grabbed the notebook, and scribbled a few ideas for a story called ‘The Sneeze King’, which I typed up later when she was asleep.
Having two young children at the time meant that I eventually stopped writing and shelved my dreams. ‘The Sneeze King’ was soon forgotten, and six years passed before it was discovered again, almost by accident, in another country.
Malta, 2020.
I stared blankly at the empty notebook in front of me, willing myself to come up with something, anything.
As I mentioned in last week’s blog, the stress of the pandemic had dried up my imagination and I was suffering from a bad case of writer’s block.
There was a time when ideas would come to me without even trying, I thought to myself. I used to write so many stories back in Yorkshire…
Hang on! I might be struggling to come up with ideas now, but what about all the stories I wrote back then? Were any of them any good? And, where were they? That was another time and several laptops ago.
Had I emailed them to myself? Which email address did I use?
I racked my brains to try and remember which accounts I was using in the height of my ‘baby brain’ phase.
Eventually, I managed to find the right account and correct password before I got locked out, and there it was: an inbox full of stories. Some were good; some needed work.
‘The Sneeze King’ needed work. So, work on it I did.
I rewrote it, and turned it into ‘Sam the Sneezing Scarecrow’, the rhyming story of a scarecrow who’s allergic to feathers, and goes on a journey whereby he discovers his true talent.
Nowadays, Sam is used by parents, teachers, and therapists to encourage children to persevere and turning their weaknesses into strengths. In fact, if you want to hear a therapist’s opinion on the subject, click here.
In the meantime, if you would like a free guide to help you empower your kids, click here.
Thank you for reading. You can buy copies of ‘Sam the Sneezing Scarecrow’ and other stories, by visiting our shop.
Join me next week for another story behind the stories!
Katie Pye is a New Zealand-based author with a daft sense of humour and an uncanny ability to make anything rhyme. Katie launched headlong into her hilarious journey of re-crafting fairytale favourites when she discovered how powerful stories are in getting kids to chat. Katie’s books are delightful, but they aren’t just that. Each Fairytale Fraud highlights a different character’s struggle with wellbeing themes that don’t compromise the story value or come across preachy. Each story has a ‘Behind the Scenes’ section, with even more resources available on her website: www.fairytalefraud.com Join her ‘Fraud Squad’ so you don’t miss out on her new Fairytale Fraud releases and enjoy finding out the TRUTH behind fairy tales!
Amanda: Katie, I’m so excited to speak to you. I’ve been wanting to interview you for a while because I’m such a massive fan of your ‘Fairytale Fraud’ series. What inspired you to write such brilliant books?
Katie: Thank you for the warm welcome! The main thing I can say about inspiration is this: When your mother is a prolific children’s book author, you find that you are forever coming up with fun ideas to craft into a story. But it was only after I had a great interaction with my son, using a cartoon I had created, that it occurred to me that I could be the one doing the crafting!
After being given a list of ‘The 12 Fundamentals of Mental and Emotional Health’ at a psychology course, I wanted to interpret the rich material for children. I had a fun idea for a ‘The Three Little Pigs’ retelling to teach wise trust, and thus the Fairytale Fraud series began!
Amanda: Did it take you long to get your project off the ground?
Katie: Between writing that first story and publishing was a long journey, both because I had two international moves but also I really wanted to launch my books as a series. Unlike most, I invested over three years in the project before launching a single book!
Amanda: Oh my goodness. I don’t think I would have the patience to wait that long. But you’ve clearly done the right thing, because your books are fabulous and doing great! What challenges did you face along your journey?
Katie: The biggest challenge I face in my writing is being a one-man band. I struggle with having a vision much bigger than the time I have available. I also miss having people I can readily bounce ideas off. Being on my own means that instead of being able to focus on the things I am strongest at or enjoy most, I also have to tick off a range of tasks that are difficult or tedious for me. It can also feel incredibly lonely.
One thing I am super thankful for is that my writing is focussed on growing mental wellness. On a daily basis, I am immersed in messages that help me journey through these challenges. Bonus, right?
Amanda: Oh, absolutely! I personally listen to motivational audiobooks which help me a lot. I find them useful because now that I’m a mum, I (sadly) don’t have time to sit and read like I used to do. Having kids has also affected my goal-setting. I’m sure you can relate?
Katie:Of course. For years I waited for an elusive pregnancy, wondering whether I would ever get to be a mum. It was a difficult journey and it has defined how I do motherhood now.
My goals certainly feature, but the very fact that I am writing instead of returning to the traditional workforce shows how much having kids has impacted on my dreams. As one of six kids, with a mother as a writer, I know firsthand what it is like to not get enough attention. As an author I also know how a story can grab you, making you mentally unavailable. You’ll be listening, but not fully listening as you simultaneously run different variations of a line through your head like a computer running an algorithm. To avoid that happening when I am parenting, I often do myself out of ‘me time’, using my potential downtime for work so that I can be more present for my kids.
Amanda: Of course… there’s not enough time, is there? Speaking of time… how much of it do you spend on marketing?
Katie:This is, hands down, my most unpalatable task in being a self-published author, and one that I haven’t yet figured. In fact, this month I will be launching ‘The Fame Game’, a ‘Sleeping Beauty’ retelling about online wellbeing. It challenges kids to think about the value of looking for ‘likes’ and ‘shares’.
I realise marketing is how I reach people with a product that has value for them, but to resonate with my ethos and brand I want to reach people in a way that brings value too. I don’t want to be another ‘noise’ in their lives. As a result, my growth has mostly been organic – as people discover and share my books and resources with others. I’ve also provided people value online in terms of resources, interesting research, or promotions and competitions. In person, I’ve visited markets and schools and reached out to influencers with free books, hoping they would share my wellness vision.
Amanda: And has this helped?
Katie:My books capture people’s imagination, and so I have had some amazing help along the way from enthusiastic parents, educators, and writers. This means that people sometimes approach me with opportunities, which really helps, as I have limited bandwidth or patience for investing time online.
Because I’m still trying to figure all this out, I needed to have great self-talk about everyone’s journey being different and everyone having different capacities. I mention this because online author forums can feel overwhelming as I’m both inspired but also challenged by the range of creative ways people are hacking the marketing.
Amanda: Yes, sometimes I feel like I’m crushing it, and other times I feel like I’m swimming in treacle! It’s all part of the journey. What are you working on at the moment?
Katie:There is never a short answer to this question, as I love having multiple books on the go – in part so I can keep to my publishing schedule, but also so I can keep rotating them through my editing process and making them tighter and stronger.
After launching ‘Sleeping Beauty: The Fame Game’ in July, I hope to release my ‘Three Little Pigs’ retelling on Wise Trust in October. I’ve got that in the final stages of editing, while at the same time I’m working on a very early draft of ‘The Elves and the Shoemaker’ retelling about resilience. I hope to launch that prior to Christmas. Fingers crossed for no lockdowns!
Amanda: I’m genuinely so excited to read all of them. What’s the best thing that has come out of following your dreams?
Katie: I was reluctant to become a writer. My mother is a prolific children’ book author and I have always felt that that was ‘her thing’.
I was drawn into writing because I wanted to help grow connections and mental wellness in families. That is the best thing that has come out of it! I, my family, and a whole host of other families I’ve never met, have memory hooks into really healthy life messages. For me, that’s awesome.
Amanda: It’s so strange to hear you say you were reluctant to become a writer, because anyone who’s read your books would think that you’ve been writing since you could hold a pencil! Who’s helped you along the way?
Katie:My family have stood behind me in this journey. My daughter has been my first beta reader on every story; my son begged me not to stop writing when I had a fantastic job opportunity; my husband has encouraged me to keep going despite spending more money than what I am bringing in; and my mother cheers enthusiastically on nearly every social media post I put up!
I’m still ‘in progress’ to achieve my goals, and the other person who has been instrumental is…ME! It takes an extraordinary amount of resilience to work nearly solitary for 4 years and cling to a vision when faced with challenges, tedious tasks, and a long road to profitability. I think it’s important that authors stop to cheer themselves every so often!
Amanda: I think it’s brilliant that you take into consideration just how resilient and hard-working you’ve been. I fall short in that regard. Is there someone else in your life you admire?
Katie:I admire my husband. Like me, my husband works more for love than he does for pay (though thankfully he is paid!). Every day he gets up at the crack of dawn to have conversations across the globe to help support developing countries through the Covid crisis. I’m really drawn to his heart and social mindedness.
Amanda: That’s lovely. Before we wrap it up, what’s the best advice you can give to anyone who has a dream?
Katie: When her Fairy Godmother fails to show up to help her to the ball, Cinderella has to find her own way out of her unpalatable situation.
That’s the draft blurb for my ‘Cinderella’ retelling, releasing 2022. The whole entire book is advice about identifying your dreams, putting steps in place to get there, and keeping on track. It has been an inspiration to me!
In the meantime, my best advice is to practice gratitude. Notice what you have to be thankful for at each stage of your journey. Not only does it make you feel better, it expands your resilience…and resilience is absolutely necessary to achieve your dream!
Kia kaha (Maori language for ‘be strong’)
Amanda: Thank you so much for your time, Katie. I loved chatting with you.
As we were out in the garden, on one rare sunny day, I noticed a hedgehog making its way through the overgrown bushes. This side of the garden was full of weeds and plants that I avoid tending to. Our visitor was surprisingly big – I had always thought that hedgehogs were quite small, but this was the size of a big rat. And it was broad daylight!
Upon noticing it, my family and I got all quite excited. “We have a hedgehog in our garden!” my daughter cried.
“I knew leaving the garden in a not-so-tip-top condition would attract wildlife,” I said with a grin, half convincing myself, and hoping that I will never get to see rats or mice.
We tried taking pictures but our visitor was naturally too fast and probably scared amidst all our excitement.
That evening, our visitor made an appearance again. This time a neighbour’s cat decided to pay a visit, too. It spent a long time watching the hedgehog and its whereabouts whilst flicking its tail. We pondered about what was going through the cat’s and hedgehog’s heads as we looked on from inside our house.
The same event happened every day the following week. We shared so many ideas and jokes as a family. I said that I was going to write a story about the adventures of the cat and the hedgehog. My daughter jumped on the idea and said she was going to do the same.
And she did.
Here’s what I learned:
1. We’re not outdoorsy people. I wish we were, but we’re not. If we hadn’t done something different that day and hadn’t gone into the garden, we would have missed the appearance of the hedgehog.
2. It’s ok not to have a perfectly weeded garden – nature and wildlife are attracted to imperfect things. In fact, I’ve noticed more birds hanging about lately.
3. This leads to my next point: we don’t have to be perfect at doing everything. Sometimes, as parents, we know we can be hard on ourselves as we try to have and make everything perfect for our family. But, we can enjoy things naturally, without perfection.
4. We had plenty of bonding time as a result of our hedgehog visit. Bonding time doesn’t have to be structured.
5. We used the creative part of our brain to come up with stories. Instead of asking your child to practice their story writing, just discuss ideas! Did you know that more wiring and firing goes on in the brain when we are creative?
6. My daughter had never used Word Office before. As we know children are quick learners and she mastered it pretty well.
7. Back to imperfection – allow your child to make mistakes. I stopped myself correcting her spelling. She was over the moon typing away, I then told her we could look at her spelling later.
I wonder if you came across anything lately that was as adventurous, or if you surprisingly learnt something about yourself. I’d love to hear any stories!
This week’s Inspirational Mum is I.T engineer and children’s author Cristina Castro. Her book ‘Emma and Matti. Friendship at the Zoo’, is a collaboration with her young daughter, Lena, who wanted to share her mum’s bedtime stories with the world.
Amanda: Hi Cristina! Welcome to our ‘Follow Your Dreams’ blog. Thank you for talking to us today.
Cristina: Thank you for having me!
Amanda: I read your lovely book, ‘Emma and Matti: Friendship at the Zoo’. I loved Matti’s enthusiasm and persistence, and this is something I try to instil in my own children. What inspired the story and how long did it take you to publish it?
Cristina: The original idea of the book belongs to my little daughter Lena. I am Romanian and I live in Basel, Switzerland, with her and my Portuguese husband. Living abroad and coming from another culture, I wanted my daughter to learn to speak my native language. Romanian children’s books are not readily available in Switzerland, and once we ran out of the ones we had, I began to invent stories myself. I chose to invent stories with her two favourite plush toys, a giraffe and an elephant, so they would accompany her on her adventures by day as well as by night. I strived to make them educational and fun. One day, Lena told me about her dream of writing these stories in a book which she could sell to children at the local open-air market. I was amazed that a 5-year-old could have such an entrepreneurial idea and decided to support her in realising it. This is how our story was born. The book took two years to publish, but it was all worth it.
Amanda: That is such a sweet story. And it’s so brilliant that you took her seriously and empowered her to follow her dream! I’m sure you both faced challenges along the way. Can you tell me a bit more about that?
Cristina: Of course. As with any idea, it’s easier in theory than in practice. Before starting the project I did not know anything about writing or commercializing children’s books. We had a dream, a vision, and a story to tell, but we didn’t have any idea how to start. I spent months looking for illustrators, getting quotes and draft sketches of the characters. I was so lucky to find Noor Alshalabi from Jordan, who depicted the characters just like we imagined them: friendly, cute, and kind. Before meeting Noor, I always thought I’d be sitting down with my illustrator going over crayon sketches, but as it turns out, you can achieve all this and more, online. She is so talented! At the moment both Lena and I are exploring different ideas on how to advertise our book. We are learning so much from each experience and we try to do as much as possible together. Each step of the journey is a mother-daughter step and it’s a beautiful experience; we motivate each other and believe in our project.
Amanda: Ah, the fantastic Noor. She’s my illustrator too, and I would be lost without her. You said that each part of the journey is a mother-daughter step. How does being a mum impact your goal-setting and achievement?
Cristina: Being a mum and even more so, a working mum, means I have limited time for additional projects, no matter how special they may be. I use my evening hours to work on our social media posts or projects such as participating in this nice interview.
Amanda: Hahaha, you’re so sweet. What steps do you take to raise your profile?
Cristina: At the moment we are present mostly online on social media, as the current pandemic has made face-to-face meetings impossible. I hope things will change but for now we are focused on building up content, creating great collaborations with others artists and writers on social media, and spreading the word about our little project. In future I hope I can organise a book-reading event with games and prizes. We also have ideas of other great little gatherings where children can enjoy the world of ‘Emma and Matti’ and get to know the characters. Stay tuned!
Amanda: We certainly will! What has helped you along the way?
Cristina: I feel that, for small, heart-driven projects like ours, most people are interested in understanding the drivers behind them. For me personally, it was a way to encourage my daughter in life and incentivize her to put effort into her dreams. She realises now that, within reason, you can achieve anything if you work hard enough for it. She also witnessed the entire book-creating process from manuscript-drafting to sketches and had the opportunity to give feedback along the way. Her opinion was considered, she learned to collaborate and drive initiatives at an early age and I am sure it is something that will inherently always stay with her. I hope this project will give her the wings to do more and venture into her own independently-run initiatives.
Amanda: That’s really inspiring. Are you and Lena working on another project, now?
Cristina: Everyone is asking when the next book is coming out. I have lots of ideas for other topics and fun characters. I hope we’ll have the chance to make them all a reality. Working on it 😊
Amanda: I’m looking forward to seeing your next project. What’s the best thing that has come out of following your dreams?
Cristina: The confidence that your dreams can be realised and they’re worth fighting for. I also learned that you don’t need to be an expert at something before you start. Motivation and passion are much more important. I am learning each day and even though we will get better at it, we will never cease to learn.
Amanda: That is so true. So, apart from Lena, who has been instrumental in helping you achieve your goals?
Cristina: It’s mainly been Lena all along. I never dreamt I would write a book, and this was 100% her idea, although now, it has slowly become my dream, too. I now dream of all the great additional projects we could do around ‘Emma and Matti’ and how they can help contribute to raising a kind next generation.
Amanda: That is such a worthwhile cause. Who do you admire in your life?
Cristina: I admire many people, I actually think everyone has something we can learn from and we can admire. If you just look closely enough, you will find amazing things in your parents, your children, your colleagues or friends as well as strangers on the street. Everyone brings something good and interesting to the world and this is the message we also try to bring in our book.
Amanda: What’s the best advice you can give to anyone who has a dream?
Cristina: Have the courage to try! All experiences teach you something priceless which will enable you to go in directions you never expected.
Amanda: Cristina, thank you for the uplifting interview. It was great getting to know you.
Cristina: Thank you!
I hope you enjoyed today’s interview. To buy Cristina’s book, click on the image below. Have a great weekend!
Do you remember last week’s interview with the lovely Sarah Cullen? This week, we’re talking to her equally smart and talented sister, mumpreneur Carmen Ellis, and discussing what it’s like to raise a family and run Majestic Whale Encounters in NSW, Australia.
Amanda: Welcome, Carmen! It’s lovely to see you.
Carmen: Thank you!
Amanda: You run an ocean tour business in Australia. Where and when did you first get the idea to do this and how long did it take you to achieve?
Carmen: I’ve always loved dolphins and whales, ever since I was a child, and always hoped to have a career in that field. When I was about 25, I heard that you could swim with whales in Tonga. In 2012 I went to check it out, at 2 years later, Majestic Whale Encounters was born!
Amanda: I had to check out Tonga on Google Maps for a minute! Wow, swimming with whales. How exciting! So, you set your company up in 2014. What challenges did you face along the way?
Carmen: Oh, there have been so many. One example is a tour we had booked in Norway and the company we used to hire the boat had broken its contract with the owner. Even though we had signed a contract, we still lost $15,000 and never managed to get that back. Also, one of our most popular tours is in Tonga, and every year, they cancel loads of their inter-island flights. This makes it very stressful as we’re constantly checking if the flights are going to go ahead. At times we had to put guests on an overnight ferry just to get them to the island. Travel can be very tricky, but we love it, and that’s why we keep on doing it.
Amanda: Oh my goodness. There’s so much that goes on behind the scenes that never crosses our minds. Losing that money must have been painful.
Carmen: It was…
Amanda. I can only imagine. How does being a mum impact your goal-setting and achievement?
Carmen: I draw inspiration from being a mum. Sometimes, when it all feels too hard, I look at my kids and it gives me that extra boost to show them how to work hard and that your dreams really can come true.
Amanda: How do you market your business online and in person?
Carmen: Facebook has been quite successful for us. At the beginning, we used Facebook advertising to build our pages. I used to spend $100 and get 400 new page likes each time. Then it started to take care of itself. We find that sharing amazing whale footage gets us lots of likes/comments/shares and page likes. We also used to hire a PR company and they used to get us in the newspapers and magazines quite often. Since COVID hit, we’ve not been able to afford PR anymore, so we’ve had to do it all ourselves. This also gave me the chance to work on ‘Nellie the Narwhal’ and ‘Spike, the Penguin with Rainbow Hair’ with my sister Sarah.
In person, our biggest success without a doubt is the fact that we have been sponsors for the Ocean Film Festival for the last five years, and we get to meet our perfect target audience in person when we attend these shows.
Amanda: That must be so exciting! Tell me, what has helped you along the way?
Carmen: It’s funny, because I actually feel like I’ve seen a shift in what has been more successful. At first, print was the best way to book new clients. For example newspapers, magazines, etc, but as the years went on, it shifted to social media and word of mouth as our most common form of conversion. If you are in a business like ours, it’s a good idea to ask the question ‘How did you find out about us?’ on your booking form as it helps you spend your marketing money in the right way.
Amanda: That’s so simple, but such excellent advice. What are you working on at the moment?
Carmen: We are working on a new and exciting tour to Antarctica!
Amanda: Oh, wow! That really does sound exciting! What’s the best thing that has come out of following your dreams?
Carmen: There’s nothing like doing what you love every day. It is such an amazing feeling to travel the world and swim with these beautiful, big animals and know that it’s actually your career!
Amanda: I’m gonna have to book myself on one of your whale tours one day! Who has been instrumental in helping you achieve your goals?
Carmen: Without a doubt, my husband has been the biggest support, and I wouldn’t be where I am without him. He’s amazing!
Amanda: That’s so nice to hear. Name someone you admire and why.
Carmen: David Attenborough. His conservation efforts, and even just the awareness he brings to wildlife is incredible. A true legend.
Amanda: I couldn’t agree more. What’s the best advice you can give to anyone who has a dream?
Carmen: Don’t give up! Sometimes it can feel like you are failing, but if you keep going, one day you will wake up and realise that you made it!
Amanda: That’s so true. Carmen, we’ve now come to the end of this interview. How can people get in touch with you?
Sarah Cullen is one of the children’s authors behind Ocean Tale’s Children’s Books. Together with her sister Carmen, she has penned Nellie the Narwhal, and Spike: The Penguin With Rainbow Hair. Ocean Tales Children’s Books was created to spread joy and hope to all the ocean-loving kids and parents around the world. If that weren’t exciting enough, these fabulous sisters own Majestic Whale Encounters, a company that takes people swimming with whales in beautiful places all over the world!
We’re talking to Sarah about being a mum and an author.
Amanda: When did you first get the idea to start writing children’s books and how long did it take you to publish the first one?
Sarah: The idea came a few years ago. It was something my sister and I spoke about while running our whale tour business, but it wasn’t until COVID came along that we shifted gears and really got things moving. The journey from conception to print took about 9 months.
Amanda: Can you tell me about some of the challenges you faced along the way and that you still face on a daily basis?
Sarah: Wow, there are so many learning curves in this industry! I think one of the biggest challenges is the fact that we’re in Australia, while our biggest market is in America. Dealing with things like postage costs, shipping, exchange rates, and even just the spelling in our book. For the second book, we decided to put it on Amazon with American spelling, but our hardcovers that will arrive in Australia in a few months’ time will have English/Australian spelling.
Amanda: I know what you mean. I’m in the UK and my biggest market is in America, too. Tell me, how does being a mum impact your goal-setting and achievement?
Sarah: When you’re a mum, you need to manage time more efficiently. But I have found that since time is more precious, I tend to work harder and not procrastinate as much as I used to. I guess the downside is when you have to work late at night or in the day with the little ones around.
Amanda: I can certainly empathise with that! What steps do you take to raise your profile both online and in real life?
Sarah: Instagram is where I have the most success. The key to building your profile is to network, network, network! I follow hashtags related to my topic and like, comment, and also share the work of others. Personally, I don’t ask too much of others. I find that if I build a good relationship with someone, they often come to me with an offer of help or to collaborate. It’s all give and take, so you need to be prepared to put in the time and also play the long game. I’m also going to be investing in Amazon ads. I also find that giving school presentations raise my profile a lot.
Amanda: Oh yeah, school presentations are fantastic. I love doing them myself. Can you tell us what has helped you become successful?
Sarah: It’s a combination of so many things: social media/schools/networking, etc. The most successful tactic I have is to not say no! As long as it’s not costing me money (although sometimes I will pay for something if it’s worthwhile), I will always say yes to something that’s going to get me seen. Even if it makes me feel uncomfortable, or if it’s something I’m not familiar with, I say yes and then work out how to do it. For example, I was asked to present for International Women’s Day and I had no idea what I was going to say. I said yes to it and, of course, it all worked out. I have spoken on the radio a few times, and the first time, I was so scared! But, you really need to push yourself outside your comfort zone, as it’s the best way to grow.
Amanda: Haha, I almost fainted during my first radio interview! But you’re right, pushing yourself out of your comfort zone is essential. What are you working on at the moment?
Sarah: Our third book is being illustrated (should be released in a few months), and we are working on a storyline for our fourth book, which will be out next year. We were recently approached by a company to do an audiobook, so this week I will be heading to the studio to produce the content for this. That’s another example of something I’ve never done before, but I said yes to.
Amanda: Wow, that’s so exciting! What’s the best thing that has come out of following your dreams?
Sarah: The best part is holding a book in your hands and knowing it’s yours. That you worked on it from start to finish and people actually enjoy reading it! Whenever someone tells me that their child loves our book, it makes my heart so full, and all that hard work is worth it.
Amanda: Yes, that always helps! Who has been instrumental in helping you achieve your goals?
Sarah: My husband has been the biggest support, and without him, I wouldn’t be where I am today. He is amazing.
Amanda: That’s so lovely. Is there someone you really admire in your life?
Sarah: I admire my mum. She raised four girls to all have great morals, and I find myself parenting in exactly the same way as she did. All ten of her grandkids adore her and respect her so much. She also inspired my love of rhymes for a very young age.
Amanda: How wonderful! What’s the best advice you can give to anyone who has a dream?
Sarah: Absolutely go for it! Put in the hard work, be patient, and just keep moving forward each day. It can be a long road sometimes, but it’s really worth pursuing.
Amanda: Thank you for your time and for sharing some of your amazing life with us. You can buy Sarah and Carmen’s fantastic books here:
Next week, we’re interviewing Sarah’s sister, Carmen Ellis, about founding the whale tour company, so join us again on Saturday for our next ‘Inspirational Mums’ interview!
As parents, we all want what’s best for our children.
We want them to succeed; we want them to go through life without going through hardships; we don’t want them to experience any pain or sadness whatsoever (wrap them in cotton wool, anyone?)
We want to be their protectors, be the mother dinosaur that will break hell loose if someone harms our child. I can certainly identify myself as one of those dinosaurs in Ice Age 3.
I recently popped into some parenting groups on Facebook and noticed a few different parenting views (on completely different topics):
Let’s name one parenting view as type A: the parents who are quite vocal about why children need to know that life is just difficult and they might as well face the hardships when they are young.
“It will only make them stronger and more resilient,” one parent wrote, “They need to work hard in school and have lots of homework because they need to get used to the hard work when they become adults.”
Then there’s the other parenting view I came across, the one which I shall refer to as type B: the parents who are cautious of their child feeling hurt.
“I don’t let my son go on the merry go round, he got pushed by another child once and he cried so much,” said another parent.
These two views are perhaps two extremes, two polarities. No judgement whatsoever here. As a play therapist and parenting coach I try to understand people’s perspectives and where they are coming from. I try to understand what it’s been like for them as a child, and what they want to achieve as parents. Sometimes, as adults, we subconsciously carry our own experiences of how we were parented into our parenting.
Any parent that has more than one child will tell you that no two siblings are the same; they will have their own needs despite having a similar upbringing.
So, what’s the best way to parent our kids?
Ideally, we need to shift our parenting style to the needs of that child in that particular moment, in a consistent manner.
Seems complicated? It’s not.
Hear me out.
Take parenting view type A. She is partially right; children do need to develop resilience, but, I add, only when they are ready to face difficult things. Children are not emotionally equipped to face adult experiences. They don’t need to get used to adult hardships when they are children. They don’t have adult brains. They need to experience being children.
What about parenting view type B? She is also right in being fearful of her child getting hurt again. But how is that child going to develop (socially, physically, emotionally) if they have limited childhood experiences? In this example, children will improve their social development when they negotiate in their play. At times, I see adults intervening too quickly. If children are arguing amongst themselves, it means they are negotiating, they are problem solving, they are communicating.
Take-Home Tips
1. Allow your child to make mistakes. I don’t mean you should allow them to walk on a busy road. Give boundaries, but allow them to make mistakes within those boundaries.
2. Congratulate them for trying and for making a mistake. Authentically, not sarcastically. Let them know that no one is perfect and that we learn through mistakes.
A good example of this is Amanda Kidd‘s character, ‘Sam the Sneezing Scarecrow’, who didn’t think he had what it takes to do his job properly. Sure, he’s a fictional character, but would he have ever found out he was really good at, if all the other scarecrows just told him? No! He had to experience being sad (which is a normal feeling by the way). He had to go explore things and then find out for himself, he had to internalise what he is good at.
3. If you haven’t read this book yet, it’s a good place to start. Read it with your child. Ask them what they would do, and how they feel about Sam and about themselves when they are in a pickle.
As always, I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences.
What was it like being a child? Were you allowed to explore and make mistakes? Are you different or the same with your child?
People are always confused when I tell them that I hate feeling like a failure, but I enjoy failing. They always assume that I’m talking about the same thing, but I’m not. Allow me to explain.
My childhood dream was to become an author, but I didn’t believe I could do it. Thoughts like ‘things like that don’t happen to me,’ always bounced about in my head.
It took me decades to realise that I was right: Things like that didn’t happen to me.I had to be the one to make things like that happen.
When I finally decided to pursue my dream, I was left with a dilemma. How do I do it? What’s the next step? I didn’t know anyone in the publishing business, or even other authors to guide me. I was working blind, grasping at every little piece of information I could find.
By then I had listened to enough motivational audiobooks to know that I had to take the first step even though I couldn’t see the full staircase. I started asking questions, doing research, making plenty of mistakes, and failing repeatedly.
Sugar Ray Leonard’s quote kept me motivated: ‘If you don’t know failure, you will never know success.’
And so, I persisted.
Eventually, I published ‘Ellie and the Cupcakes’. This was a greater feat than you can imagine, because only a year before, I was battling overwhelming feelings of failure. I was on sleeping tablets, anti-anxiety tablets, and antidepressants, as I tried to cope with everything. Thankfully, I no longer need those meds to help me cope, and I am now in a better place, mentally.
Failing vs. Feeling Like a Failure. What’s the Difference?
When you’re following your dreams, you will fail. Failing is ok and is part of the process. Learn from your mistakes, make adjustments, and start again. I failed repeatedly throughout my author journey, and I will carry on failing. I’m fine with that.
Feeling like a failure is different. It’s a pervasive thought linked to your perceived self-worth. It strangles your confidence and motivation, and often stems from assuming that others are doing a better job than we are.
President Roosevelt said ‘Comparison is the thief of joy.’
Nowadays, it’s so easy to fall into the trap of thinking others are doing well while we’re drowning. Thank you, social media. The truth is, we’re all killing it in some aspects of life and failing at others. The sooner we realise this, the happier we’ll all be. It’s not too late to achieve your dreams. I was 39 when I published my first book, and I published three more since then.
Persistence, overcoming feelings of failure. and accepting oneself, were the main reasons why I wrote ‘Sam the Sneezing Scarecrow’. Nothing makes me sadder than a child with self-limiting beliefs, because it’s almost certain that those beliefs came from someone who clipped their wings before they could fly.
Although I created this blog to help empower mums (and other adults) to follow their dreams, my main objective is to empower children to follow theirs. This is why, if you remember, I teamed up with Parenting Coach Sabrina Persiano, whose posts will help you support your children to spread their wings. She’s the guest author next week and I’m so looking forward to reading her article. I’m sure you are too, so tune in next Saturday for her words of wisdom.
In the meantime, have a fantastic weekend. I’m taking my kids to a local butterfly event later on. What are your plans?
In last week’s post, I spoke about changing your attitude to change your life. Although this internal change is essential, it must also be accompanied by an external one – changing your habits.
If you downloaded the free workbook, you know that I used to watch NCIS religiously while ironing. While watching NCIS is not a bad habit in itself, I had to swap it for a more productive activity once I decided to become an author.
How Do You Get Rid of Habits?
You don’t.
That’s right. Most habits are useful. They allow us to do things on autopilot and free our brain up to concentrate on more important things. The problem is, our brain doesn’t distinguish between good and bad habits, which is why they are hard to overcome. Recognise that this is normal and be kind to yourself.
You’re only human after all.
There’s usually an underlying reason for bad habits. Are you bingeing on social media to avoid communicating with your family? Watching too much NCIS to distract yourself from the mind-numbing boredom of ironing? In order to break the habit, you need to know what purpose it’s serving. Once you figure that out, you can then deal with the cause.
That’s why, instead of eliminating bad habits, you replace them with productive ones that give you similar benefits.
Let’s use ‘addiction to social media’ as an example.
Substitute. What can you substitute your habit with? I swapped Facebook for audiobooks. They take away the boredom (the reason for my bad habit) and guide me towards my goals.
Remove the triggers. You can’t be on your phone if it’s in a drawer in another room.
Find an accountability partner. Your kids can be fantastic accountability partners. Tell them that you’re not going to look at your phone until a certain time, and see what happens if you go on it before then!
Surround yourself with like-minded people. You are the average of your five closest friends. Choose wisely.
Visualise yourself in your new identity. Imagine the person you will become if you swapped your habit for something more productive.
Return to the person you were before your addiction. You don’t necessarily have to become a new person – just the person you used to be. You survived most of your life without social media, and you can do it again.
Use the word ‘but’ to counter defeating thoughts. E.g. ‘I failed today, but everyone fails from time to time.’
Plan for failure. No one is perfect. Accept that it is normal to fail, and try again the following day.
Conclusion and Recommendations
St Francis of Assisi said: ‘Start by doing what’s necessary. Then, do what’s possible. Suddenly, you’re doing the impossible.’ Changing your habits doesn’t have to be a bombastic event requiring superhuman effort. All you need to do is tweak your current habits and make small improvements which stack up over time. I also recommend that you read James Clear’s ‘Atomic Habits’. You won’t regret it.
Have you ever changed your habits and changed your life? Please let us know in the comments!
That’s a question I hear often. People tend to assume that I have an easy life with no worries. Of course, that’s not the case. Who has an easy life, right?
The reason for my happiness is simple: I’m always looking for it, and when you’re looking for something, you’ll find it in anything and everything.
Let me give you an example.
My husband and I are becoming more environmentally conscious, and we have recently decided to try and survive with just one car. This usually works out well for us. School is only a 20-minute walk away, so we manage. However, last week, I needed something urgently from the shopping centre.
We’re still in the middle of a pandemic, so I’m avoiding people like the plague (pun intended), which means that public transport is not an option.
The only thing I could do was walk.
Had this happened a few years ago, I would have probably complained about not having a car, pandemics, and aching feet. The foul mood would then have affected me for the rest of the day.
However, I’m no longer that person.
It was a beautiful day, so I was happy to walk in the sunshine, get some exercise and vitamin D. Living in England, I don’t take the sun for granted like I did in Malta. I wandered about and found a shortcut, which I never would have found had I used the car. As my feet got sore from all the walking, I was grateful that at least I could walk, and I managed to get everything done. I also discovered a few more shops which would come in handy in the future.
Change your attitude and you change your life.
A shift in perspective changes your attitude, and a positive attitude impacts your mental health.
Sometimes it’s hard to see the beauty of things. I understand that this won’t come easily or naturally to people who are struggling with life at the moment. When I first started doing this, I couldn’t find anything to be grateful about other than the usual health and family, but now, I find reasons to be happy in everything, as you just saw.
I’m even thankful for bad experiences because I then use them in discussions with my children. I tell them how I felt at the time, how I dealt with things, and we discuss whether or not I did the right thing. I want them to realise that they will face adversity, and I want them to be able to come to me when they do. Such episodes are just another instance that brings us closer together.
I don’t believe that things happen for a reason, but I do believe that you can find reasons for what happened and turn them into something positive.
Four easy ways to develop an attitude of gratitude.
Here are four common ways which people use to change their attitude. You can implement them all, or you can choose the ones which best suit your style and personality:
Start a gratitude journal. This works for a lot of people. It doesn’t work for me because, ironically, I don’t like to write in journals. However, instead of writing, I find a peaceful spot every morning and find reasons to be grateful.
Celebrate the small wins. Instead of solely focusing on achieving one large goal, set smaller goals to help you along the way, and celebrate every time you overcome another hurdle. This will keep your motivation charged, and it will help you remain positive along the way.
Expressing your gratitude to others. Show your loved ones why and how much you are grateful for what they do for you. This has the added benefit of having a positive impact on others and not just yourself.
Meditate. Because, why would you not want to start the day with a bit of peace, quiet, and introspection?
Ok, I’m realistic. My main readers are mums, and I can already imagine you saying ‘try meditating when you haven’t slept all night and the baby is shrieking already.’
I get it. You might not be able to do all four of these every day. But, you’ll be able to do at least one. Start from that one and work your way up.
Conclusion.
Being positive makes it harder for negative thoughts to take hold. This doesn’t mean you will not have bad days, or that you won’t be allowed the occasional pity party. Bad days will happen. Sometimes you will need to lick your wounds. But, when you’re grateful, positive and optimistic, you’ll find it easier to bounce back, and because of this, you’ll end up making huge progress in your journey.
I wish you all a pleasant weekend, and for those of you celebrating Mother’s Day tomorrow: Happy Mother’s Day! x
Hello, and welcome back! I hope you enjoyed Sabrina Persiano’s guest post last week.
The week before that, I wrote about how we tend to sabotage ourselves, and the five most common reasons people use to quit before even starting.
If you look at them again, you will notice one thing: the obstacles are only in your mind. Fear of failure, fear of not being good enough, the need for perfection… none of these are actual, physical barriers, yet, they are just as powerful.
I used to have so many of these mental blocks. Not anymore.
What Changed My Perspective?
A few years ago, a colleague convinced me to go to a work conference in Rome. Although I felt guilty about leaving my kids for three days, I decided to go for it.
The experience was life-altering. I returned to Malta full of vigour, cleared the stacks of papers from my desk, and replaced them with three small plants. My colleague looked on, bemused. She knew the trip had changed me, but she wasn’t expecting a clear desk any time soon.
Before my trip, I never seemed to find the time to read. However, during this seminar, so many inspirational books were mentioned, that I had to check them out.
However, I still had the same problem: I didn’t have time to read. So, what could I do? I racked my brains for a bit, and came up with a solution: audiobooks! I downloaded the app, and Earl Nightingale’s ‘The Secret Advantage’. I listened to it while doing the ironing, driving to work, walking from the car park to the office… I listened whenever and wherever I could. This was a completely different genre to the psychological thrillers I used to enjoy before having kids, and it blew my mind. More books followed, such as Brian Tracy’s ‘Maximum Achievement’, James Clear’s ‘Atomic Habits’, and Tony Robbins’s ‘Unleash the Power Within’, among others.
My Secret Is Out.
Now you know how I manage to read so many books without taking any time out of my busy schedule. Audiobooks are a blessing, and motivational ones, even more so. They have given me strength to carry on when I didn’t think I had anything left in me. They helped me, and they can help you too. Like so many things in my life, I wish I’d discovered them years ago. By the way, if you’re thinking about trying them out, I would suggest James Clear’s ‘Atomic Habits’ first. It’s easier to listen to and more relatable.
Do you listen to motivational audiobooks? How have they impacted your life?
Me (in the middle) with my wonderful colleagues, Rosanna and Nigel.
“When can I play with Elliott – like, not on the iPad?”
My eight-year-old daughter asks me questions like this almost everyday.
“We can’t go on the plane yet because of coronavirus, but when it is safe to go again, we’ll visit Elliott right away. I guess you miss playing with him face to face,” I say gently.
She nods and is about to break down in tears. “I hate Coronavirus!”
“I hate it too. Coronavirus is horrible and I get angry too for not being able to do the stuff we used to do before.”
“If I had a magic wand I’d make it go away!” she sobs.
“I think many children and adults would like that!” I sympathise. For a moment, my warrior self secretly wishes I really had a magic wand.
“When coronavirus is over, I want to go to a restaurant everyday,” she cries angrily.
I smile. This is a child who doesn’t really like restaurants.
“That would be nice. What else do you want to do?”
“Have lots of sleepovers and see family and go on holiday and hug my friends,” she said with eyes wide open. Then after two seconds she remembers she can’t do those things in the present, and her smile turns upside down.
“I’d love to do all those things too,” I said, eyes wide open. “Do you know what? I also love how much time I spent with you this last year. We did all sorts of things together, right? What did you like doing best?”
“Slime, baking, painting, playing with Lego. That was funny when you built the Lego giraffe,” she giggled.
“That was funny,” I laughed. “Do you want to do any of those things again?”
“Let’s make slime.” She said coyly.
I wasn’t in the mood for messy play. I needed to get all sorts of things done and slime making, aka messy play, wasn’t on my list. As parents we all know that messy play comes with a cleaning job. None of the things I offered were on my list, but I realised my list could wait and this time was crucial for her. She opened up her feelings about something that neither of us had control of and I honour her for that. Despite messy play not being on my list of to-dos, I knew she would feel calm in no time and then I would be able to finish whatever I was doing much faster.
The thing is, as adults we know that this pandemic has affected us in more ways than I can think of. We’ve been through this for the past year, and frankly, we are all fed up with it.
But how do children feel? How do we think they are coping?
Children have had to deal with lockdown, with staying indoors, with being ‘quiet’ during a work call, with more exposure to electronics, with home learning, with more time with their siblings, have more arguments with their siblings, with school closures, with online learning, with going back to school, with not seeing family, with fear of a virus, with losing loved ones, the list goes on and on.
Now that’s a lot of changes in a short space of time!
Some children are finding it really stressful. They may not have told you this, but you know that their behaviour has changed and it’s becoming more difficult to manage.
Other children are subconsciously suppressing their feelings. It’s only a matter of time before it all blows up.
Others are thriving because of one reason or another: maybe they are more connected with their parents, or they’ve attended school everyday and have had continuous contact with a safe adult at school. But a thriving child doesn’t mean they are not experiencing a difficult time.
It would be so much easier if we could just reassure children that it will be ok. A child usually looks up to an adult for answers, but we don’t have all the answers; we don’t know when we will be OK. It must be frightening to a child knowing that adults don’t have the answers to everything.
Take-Home Tips
Here are a few tips on how to help your child deal with the face of adversity:
Give them the space to express themselves – through their behaviour, their play, their words.
Acknowledge what they’re feeling. Name that feeling.
Don’t rescue them, don’t sugar coat it – it’s ok for your child to experience anger and sadness, these are normal and healthy emotions.
4. Notice how you feel – if these feelings get too much for you, speak to your spouse, a friend, or ask for professional help.
Connect with your child, do something fun, let them feel in control of the fun activity. Trust me, this will make them feel safe.
Offer to give them hugs. It is scientifically proven that hugs can increase oxytocin and serotonin levels in the brain (the good feel factors).
What About You?
I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences. What’s been difficult and what’s worked for your child?
In last week’s blog post, we discussed the importance of having a goal in mind. I’m sure that most of you have been daydreaming about this goal for years, but never did anything about it. Or maybe you started, but life got in the way, right?
Whenever I talk to other mums about what I do, the feedback is pretty much standard: ‘Oh, I’d love to do that, but…’
Why Do People Self-Sabotage?
Reason 1: ‘I don’t have time.’ Are you sure about this? It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that we don’t have time to put in the work required to follow our dreams, and yet, we binge-watch Netflix and spend hours on social media. Don’t worry, I’m not judging – I’m guilty of all these myself. However, there is something you can do even when you’re busy: think. You can plan/brainstorm/come up with ideas while you’re doing other things that don’t require mental energy, such as housework. I, personally, dictate stories and blog posts (including this one!) during my school run. On days when I’m not feeling creative, I listen to an audiobook instead. This means that I’m not trying to find time I don’t have in order to do the things I need.
Reason 2: ‘I’m no good at anything.’ First of all, where on earth would you get such a silly idea? Everyone is good at something, you just haven’t done enough soul-searching to discover what it is, yet.
Marie Kondo was good at tidying. I’m sure that most of us wouldn’t consider ‘tidying’ a skill, and yet, here she is, killing it, doing what she loves. In fact, her book, ‘The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing’ is what inspired me to embrace minimalism, and I personally find joy in emptying my home of unnecessary clutter. I never would have experienced this had Marie Kondo not shared the one thing she is extremely good at, with the rest of the world.
Gemma Bray is another person who managed to follow her dreams through something we take for granted. Organising her housework keeps her sane, so she created the Team T.O.M.M (The Organised Mum Method) movement. Now, thousands of people around the world (including myself) follow her simple housework routine that allows people to free up their time.
Reason 3: ‘It’s too much work.’ Well, yes, of course it is. But, the good news is that you don’t have to do everything at once. Following your dreams involves building a solid foundation. This could include anything from building a website and building a client base, to taking courses and learning. All of this is unglamorous and takes time. It will probably take you more than a year, but if you set realistic time goals, this will not come as a shock. I’m always continually learning, so I split my year into months. My goal is to learn something new (but related to what I’m doing) each month. I always tell myself ‘I wish I’d started a year ago,’ but at the same time I know that in a year’s time, I will be able to look back with no regrets.
Reason 4: ‘But what if I fail?’ I have news for you. You will fail, especially if this is your first attempt.
But, here’s a piece of advice you won’t find anywhere else:
Enjoy failing.
Yep. Embrace your failures. Do you know why? Because everyone who has succeeded, has failed countless times before getting where they want to be. Failure is part of the process, part of the journey. It’s a trench. You’re supposed to fall down and twist your ankle, before getting up and getting better, so that the next time you encounter a trench, you spot it from miles away and make the necessary adjustments. Next time, you’ll be better, faster and smarter.
Reason 5: ‘I need to know everything before I start.’ If you’re unwilling to be flexible on this, you will never get there. The process is simple: start, fail, reassess what you’ve done, and try again. Rinse and repeat. It’s probably better to not know everything you have to do, anyway, because it will be too overwhelming. Had I known, before I started writing, that I would have to learn how to design my own website (rather badly – I eventually delegated it to a professional), do FB Lives (they terrify me), write songs, record author visits, and so many other things, I probably would never have started. And what a shame that would have been.
Conclusion
Unless you are committed to your dream, everything is an obstacle. But, if you’re determined, nothing can stop you.
What is stopping you from starting or continuing on your journey? Comment below
Remember that next Saturday is the last of the month, so we have a guest post by Play Therapist and Parenting Coach, Sabrina Persiano.
I will be back the week after to talk about Step 3 in the workbook: Be Mindful of Your Thoughts.
Happy weekend!
PS. If there’s a relevant topic you’d like me to discuss, please get in touch!
If you downloaded the workbook, you know that the first step is determining what you want to do with your life. For some of you, this might be easier than for others. It will almost certainly be easier than it was for me.
As a child, I dreamed about being an author, but it seemed so far-fetched, that I brushed it aside. I studied for a more reachable career – if you can call criminal psychology ‘reachable.’ What I never could have predicted, was how my life would change once I had kids. My mind no longer wanted to deal with the dark aspects of human nature. I just wanted to be at home with my baby.
But as the days turned into weeks, and the weeks rolled into months, the tediousness and loneliness started to get to me. I no longer felt like the sharp-witted person I used to be. I had morphed into ‘mum’, and lost my identity in the process.
I was grateful that I was able to stay at home and raise my kids. I wouldn’t trade that time for the world. However, a visit from my future self to give me some guidance would have been handy. Alas, several years had to pass before I realised what I should have done, and this is what I want to share with you, now.
How to Figure Out Your Next Steps
Don’t be naive like I was. Time will pass. Kids will grow and they will no longer be completely dependent on you for every single thing. This is the time to really and figure out what you want.
Think about what makes you happy and write that dream down in your workbook.
Don’t let the fear of the unknown interfere with what you write.
Do you have the qualifications or experience necessary to reach your goal? If you do, you don’t really need me anymore. If you don’t, go to step 5.
The internet is your friend. Find out what qualifications you need, and start learning.
Simple, Right?
Did you notice that I didn’t use the word ‘easy’?
One of the main reasons why this blog focuses on mums, is because mums tend to experience setbacks like no one else. The constant interruptions, guilt, exhaustion, the neverending drain on their mental and physical wellbeing… (I do realise I’m generalising here. A stay-at-home dad or a full-time child carer will have similar challenges).
In the coming weeks, I will tackle everything outlined in the workbook, including the issues of time, fear, and mindset.
Conclusion
For now, you only have one job: Think about what dreams you want to follow. Find your spark. What will make you push yourself, make sacrifices, and happily wake up early in the morning? Please, don’t say ‘winning the lottery.’ This is something no one has any control over. It has to be a goal you are willing to work towards. For some of you, this will come easily. Others have to put more thought into it. I know you might not have time to sit down and think, but the beauty of thinking is that you can do it while you’re busy doing other stuff.
Have you figured out what you’d like to do? Feel free to write it down in the comments. Too shy to do it that way? Send me a private message. I know what it’s like to be laughed at for your unusual dreams. I promise you, I won’t laugh at yours.
Every morning, before the chaos of the day starts, I step outside and think of reasons to be grateful. I do this without fail, and because of this, I don’t have many ‘bad days.’ Yesterday was no different. I sipped my coffee, gazed at the sunrise, and reminisced about how we ended up here.
You see, we had only moved to our new home a few months before.
From another country.
In the middle of a pandemic.
Time and again people ask me how I survived such a stressful move in such an overwhelming time, without experiencing extreme anxiety. The answer is surprisingly simple:
My brain was too preoccupied with other matters.
So, How Did I Manage?
I’m a children’s author. While I packed boxes in anticipation of our move, my brain was away in fantasyland, creating stories like ‘Ellie and the Cupcakes’ and ‘Sam the Sneezing Scarecrow’, both of which were published during this time.
If someone had told me, 5 years ago, that I’d be undertaking such a feat, I would have scoffed in disbelief.
Back then, I was a ‘mombie’ (mom-zombie). I was constantly exhausted, running after kids, chasing time, and never quite managing to get things done. To become the person I am now, I had to undergo a massive transformation, even though I didn’t realise what was happening at the time.
When you’re changing nappies several times a day, emptying the dishwasher, stepping on Legos, and maintaining constant vigilance, it’s all too easy to think that you don’t have time to follow your dreams, be they to learn a new language, develop a new skill, or come up with a business idea.
I’m here to tell you that you can.
I wish I knew then what I know now. However, although I can’t change my past, I can help you change your future.
That’s why I started this blog.
I know how powerful dreams can be. Most of us have the potential to follow our own path, but the hurdles seem too great to overcome: fear of failure, fear of looking foolish, knowledge gaps, overwhelm… trust me, I have been through every. single. one. And yet, now I can achieve whatever I set my mind to. If you’ll allow me, I will share all my secrets with you too.
Not Just For Mums…
But, that’s not all. As a mum myself, I know that you all want what’s best for your kids. For that reason, I have teamed up with Play Therapist and Parenting Coach, Sabrina Persiano, so that on the last Saturday of every month, she will share professional advice on how we can help our children to reach their full potential.
Does that sound good? Awesome! In the meantime, why don’t you download the free ‘Motivational Mindset for Mums’ workbook to help you get some clarity and guidance?
Welcome to my blog. If you enjoyed reading, please share on social media. The more people we reach, the more we can help.
It all started during the first lockdown. We were living in a small apartment that had become much smaller; most of our stuff was boxed up and ready to be shipped to England as we prepared to move countries for the second time in three years. The Maltese heat was relentless, as usual, and the boxes made it hard to move around freely.
My husband was already in the UK, and living in an area that was at high risk of infection. I couldn’t sleep with worry, and when I did, I’d wake up in a panic.
I tried to write – the one activity that always manages to restore my sanity – but my brain was on strike and my imagination had dried up.
I was alone, in a tiny apartment, with two kids who were missing their dad and grandparents. While nanna and nannu lived in the apartment below us, we couldn’t visit them anymore.
I felt like I was losing my mind. Have you ever experienced so much anxiety, that you are overwhelmed by things you have to do, but paralysed because you don’t know where to start?
I wanted to let the fog swallow me up. I wanted to hide under the blankets and cry. But, I had kids to look after.
And those kids loved baking.
With the little strength I had left, I got the flour, sugar, eggs, and the rest of the ingredients together, called the kids, and watched their faces light up with delight as we baked cupcakes together.
And, you know what? Seeing my kids happy made me happy. I was less exhausted. The fog had cleared slightly, and my writer’s block was lifted.
That day, ‘Ellie and the Cupcakes’ was born. As I wrote the story, I visualised Ellie as a redhead with short pigtails and a lime green dress. I know that vision is nothing like the Ellie we all know and love, but that’s another story for another day.
To this day, my 10-year-old son will bake when he comes home from school. He finds it therapeutic, and it gives him the opportunity to experiment with different ingredients. He tends to do his own thing and add his own ingredients. I don’t get involved with the baking process (just with the eating!). Occasionally, though, he likes to follow a recipe. And, he almost always opts for The Sugarcraft Contessa’s own, which is found in the book itself.
